This article has been revised since its original posting on r/discordian. I think the original was worded in such a way that people were getting the wrong idea about it. Hopefully, that issue has been cleared up.

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Hi there, audience people! I’m Wacky Internet Personality Man and/or Wacky Heavy-Makeup Boob Woman, and I’d like to take twenty minutes to say internet slang meme jokes about some niche topic that I am an expert on. Make sure to comment, like, and subscribe (links in the description).

Today, I’m going to say a list of 10 zany things I came up with for your viewing pleasure. I hope this list helps you momentarily forget your horrifying, pointless existence. As long as I use lots of quick-cuts in the video while screaming non-jokes and strange facial expressions, then you’ll probably return for more later this week. Before you know it, eleventy million of you will have Pavlov’s Dogged yourselves into showing up daily, eagerly awaiting the next dose of social commentary or pop-culture discussion. I promise to keep you informed. I promise to filter out the avalanche of bullshit for you all. So, go ahead and slippity-slap that like and subscribe button, and if you have a topic you want me to cover in a future episode, leave a comment below (links still in the description). Let’s get started together.

The Top 10 Ten-out-of-Ten Tens

1. Am I a corporate shill masquerading as someone with ideas and personality?

2. Super Metroid for the SNES

3. This video of a raccoon trying to wash a piece of cotton candy before he partakes of its sweet, sugary flavor only to have it dissolve through his little raccoony fingers because humans are psychopathic monsters who only feel pleasure when witnessing another creature’s misfortune, confusion, and disappointment (link in the description).

4. The Top 5 Villains from Nostalgic Pop-Culture-Thing-You-Like

   1. Voldemort

   2. Darth Vader

   3. Sephiroth

   4. The Joker

   5. The Council of Ricks

5. Regular Metroid on the Regular NES.

6. Metallica

7. My career is made possible because of your attention. Please keep paying attention.

8. Science, philosophy, physics, history, news, or politics.

9. That video your friend keeps trying to get you to watch on his phone that you really don’t have time for because it’s 14 minutes long, but you watch it anyway because you’re a good friend.

10. Viacom, AT&T, and Verizon.

But hey, you don’t have to take my word for it. Thanks for checking out today’s list everybody! Don’t forget to comment, like, and subscribe! I’ll be back next week with more wacky content, assuming some scandal doesn’t torpedo my career!¹